Carnival 2020

I spent the last few weeks trying to come up with something to write about for the month of June. 

Imagine a carnival, but the lights are blinding, you are in a huge, huge crowd, sand would not land on the earth, there is no space, your arms may be touching, you are head to head, but the lights are so blinding, the sounds so all engulfing, so loud, you cannot even see the person beside you. You have no idea that you actually belong in a crowd. Do you want to get somewhere? You cannot. Do you want to choose one activity? Do you want to pledge your loyalty to one thing? Do you just want to breathe? You cannot. 

From your lonely kitchen table, everything probably appears far away, everything is singular and separate. 

Racism, police brutality and violence, Dalit deaths, a cyclone, death of a few beloved animals, a doctor running for his life in his own ICU, and now the death of Sushant Singh Rajput, an extremely learned and talented actor, his death, by suicide. Did I mention the pandemic? That is probably the arena in which this dystopic carnival is taking place.  

Do you want to choose one problem to assess? Do you want this article to mean one thing? Do you want it to make sense of it? 

It isn’t possible. I set out thinking, there must be one magical solution, such as kindness or patience or maybe even Godliness, that can somehow encompass all of these things, that can somehow erase their specific histories and boil it down to one problem, a possible lack of empathy, that can be cured by pouring or shoving more of it down people’s throats. 

It isn’t possible. I am tired as hell. 

Before we feel kindness, or patience, before we set out to do anything else, we have to be angry. Recognize that anger is essential, it is a life force, more often than not, when felt for someone else, it is the diagnostic sign of empathy. We have to be angry not just for ourselves, but for the people around us, if you know of any unfairness anywhere at all, take a second to tune out everything that is distracting you from it, then make an attempt to let the news really sink in, even if it feels scary or discomfiting, even if you can do nothing tangible about it, even if you think feelings are useless, feel anger on the behalf of your fellow creature.

Even if you cannot see it, you belong in a crowd. 

Anyway. Did you do that?

Now, 

Is there anything you can do about it? Can you sign a petition? Can you donate? Can you be vocal about it? Can you spread the word? Can you join protesters? Are you in a position of power? Can you affect change?

Yes, great, do it, pat yourself on the back. 

No? It is still fine. You must have a hundred other things on your plate, maybe you have compassion fatigue, maybe you are sick, tired, numb, or focusing on simply keeping a roof above your head and food on your plate, maybe you are not okay, maybe just maybe, you are the one that needs a hand to be extended for help. 

In that case, thank you for continuing to exist, thank you for feeling stuff for someone else. I hope you find someone to reach out to. 

There is not much connecting all the things that happened except the fact that they all are happening right now, in the most terrible year anyone has seen for the longest time. It is cruel as all hell, all of them are tragedies in their own right, all of them deserve our attention. They are all in different stalls and we have to get to them somehow. We have to navigate through the confusion and the crowd to be able to do that. For me, the only way to do that seems to be to accommodate your eyes to first notice the people immediately beside you, to not be blinded by the larger picture for just one moment, to clear space and time, for targeted action. If the person beside you is your brother in a joined cause, hug him and proceed together. If he is fighting for a different cause, hug him and point him towards the right direction. If he cannot do anything, if he is looking sad or lost, hug him the longest and say nothing.